I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize