its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
