That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
