Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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