You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
