He asked to "fluff my boner.."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
