can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
