i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
