How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
