i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sobbing to NWA
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
