i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Oh, makes sense.