She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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