I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
