She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
