small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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