Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
