going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
