I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we're chasing vodka with high fives
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
