So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
