I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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