Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i now understand why vodka
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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