i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
