drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ttyl tear gas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
