i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
