his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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