11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
