There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
