Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize