i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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