How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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