dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
