u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
