dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
