Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
