I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
