Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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