if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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