so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
