they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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