I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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