we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
