the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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