i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
