We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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