grandma shit on top of the toilet
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
