that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
