I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
