I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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