I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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