Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to make a zoo with you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
