I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize