are you still at the devil's house?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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