Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
