Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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