What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
