i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Congratulations! We have a period
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