The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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