Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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