I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I supernannyed him into submission
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