It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
