I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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