I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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